15 January 2014

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

We return to the magical world that was created in the crazy mind of J.R.R and Peter Jackson. This time with more special effects.


The movie continues on from the last scene where we left our wonderful Dwarves post-massive goblin fight. Now these wonderfully tiny men have to outrun the pack of orcs and in doing so, they find themselves right in Elf colony which gave us Legolas. A Legolas, who thanks to the contribution of Del Toro, seems to use his fists rather than the arrow toting freak he becomes in LOTR. Also, he has grey eyes, rather then the vibrant blue in LOTR.
New Grey-Eyed Legolas seems to also have a lot of emotions in this movie, probably due to extremely pretty daddy issues. He seems to be switching between angry and slightly infatuated with Female Robin Hood. Also he is super buff. What, did he loose all the muscle mass in 60 years?
Bilbo Baggins and his flock also encounter the reason most of us arachnophobia, the giant spiders. And that is where he first experiences the power of The Ring. They then are captured by the Elves, which Bilbo saves them from yet again.
Meanwhile Female Robin Hood and Kili, the pretty dwarf fall for each other, but must live in denial. While they are running away from the Orcs, Pretty Kili gets shot with a poisoned arrow and the Tiny Men first come across the strange species called MAN. One of them gives refuge in his boat and takes them to the floating Man Village. Incidentally, that is also the place where Smaug was last seen. The Tiny Men then split up because you know, Pretty Kili is all dying and all, and they must abandon him in order to continue with their quest.
Meanwhile, Gandalf is all up in the ruins where the orcs originated, getting intimidated by the Necromancer. And... well, that's pretty much all that Gandalf is upto.
So then Tiny Man crew number 1 reaches the home of Smaug, while Tiny Man crew number 2 is looking after Dying Pretty Kili, who is saved by Female Robin Hood, because she is all in lurve and all.
Tiny Man crew number 1 sends Bilbo into the cave thingy bit to get the Arkenstone and that's when we all get what we paid for, Smaug. Smaug, with the amazing voice plays Death Tag with Bilbo until Tiny Man crew number 1 runs in to save him, unleashing Smaug into the world. And the movie ends.
The direction of the movie is very Jackson, but the fight scenes are quintessentially Del Toro and clashes with the essence of the movie. They are also quite reminiscent of old Jackie Chan movies. The weird thing about this movie is that everyone is just so much more cleaner than in LOTR. The orcs, the dwarfs and the hobbit. It's slightly disturbing to see them so clean. It doesn't really have any story, but that's what you would expect when a 400 page book is divided into 3 movies. Smaug is wonderful with a sinister voice and is only there for about the last half hour of the movie. The weird thing about this movie is that Jackson has done the same thing he did with LOTR, made the Dude with Daddy issues the hero rather than the Hobbit carrying the Ring.
Watch it, but don't expect a lot.

The Good: We can FINALLY see Smaug
The Bad: Orlando Bloom with grey eyes.      

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