20 August 2014

Sex Tape

You know how wine becomes better with age and time?
And time heals all wounds?
Apparently time makes Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal bad actors.


After their incredible work and chemistry (for you normal people read, sexual tension) in Bad Teacher, I was excited for Sex Tape. Even though the premise alone was not promising.
A couple who were the modern day bunnies, meet and fall in love in college choosing to fornicate everywhere. Oddly enough she gets knocked up, I do wonder why. They get married and the fornicating stops.
You know how there are commitment-phobes around, it is movies like these that reinforce this kind of behaviour.
Then they decide to make a sex tape to bring the magic back. None of that, let's ease back into it, or let's be romantic. Lets make a sex tape.
But instead of deleting it, Jason accidentally ends up sharing it with a whole bunch of people thanks to The Cloud. Free advertising for Apple right there.
Even scenes with the iPad help the sales, don't they?
The rest of the films follows them around as they try to retrieve the sex tape and somehow fall more in love with each at the end of the story. Yayee! I am so glad I did not pay money to watch it.
This was a movie that started sort of shaky, not really detailing much about their life instead focusing on all the coitus. Then it just goes incredibly downhill from there.
The jokes, if you recognise them aren't funny. You can tell they are trying really hard to make you laugh and you might pity giggle every now and then, but overall not funny.
It takes about 40 minutes to really get into the plot of the film, which if you are watching The Hobbit is fine, because then you have another to films to get to. But in this case, I really hope they don't make ay more films.
Also, the 40 minute mark is that point where you will be very convinced to switch off the film. Just a warning.
It is impressive to see how Cameron Diaz has maintained herself, I mean, throwback to Charlie's Angles days, take the wrinkles away and she looks pretty much the same. Jason Segal has lost a LOT of weight since HIMYM went downhill. But I do think he was funnier and happier when he was a curvy babe. Sort of like Nigella Lawson. There are a host of supporting actors who are, umm, they, uh, are there.
That's all I can say about them.

The Good: There are actually one or two bits that are worth watching, but you do have to sit through the rest of the gibberish.
The Bad: Jason Segal's naked buttocks. Call me a prude, but I could have lived happily having not seen that.

9 August 2014

Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania

Bollywood has subsisted for a long time siphoning away ideas of movies from Hollywood and even the rest of the world.
Bruce Almighty becomes God Tussi Great Ho
Hitch becomes Partner
A Few Good Men becomes Shaurya
While they signified the end of originality in Bollywood, there was still a market for it. But is there a market for new bollywood movies that are based on not-that-old bollywood movies?


This poor excuse for a film really hurts to watch for anyone who was alive and kicking during the 90's. Based on everybody's One True Love, Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, or DDLJ, as the new gen prefers to call it, Humpty Sharma is the unfunny version of the film. 
Humpty is your regular vagabond who has the silliest name in recorded history, he and his buddies go around in Delhi doing vagabonding-things. But wait! The vagabonding must come to a halt because Humpty has laid eyes on Baby Face Bhatt, and has decided in true Bollywood fashion that he is love with her and will do just about anything for her. Oh, no! There exists a throne in the young vagabonds path to true love, an NRI who has his eyes set on Baby Face too. This and the fact that Baby Face has already friend-zoned him.
HOWEVER will vagabond get his happily ever after now?
I'm sorry, did I forget to point out that all this malarkey begins with Baby Face wanting some fancy-pants dress for her wedding? Bear that in mind, this dress gets used as a metaphor for love later in the movie.
The truly terrible acting from Muscles For Brains Dhawan, this movie shouldn't be on anyone's list of must-watchs. With no iconic dialogues with which Raj won over our hearts, way back when, even the script is sad.
The direction strangely, is one that I enjoyed. The scenes seemed to fit well together and the background and sometimes even the foreground music was enjoyable. As much as it burns me to admit, Baby Face is truly coming into her own with acting, sometimes even surprising me. Maybe she might actually outlast her incredibly bad co-star. I am of course, not counting any of her appearances on Koffee with Karan in my judgement of her. As long as she doesn't get trapped under the thumb of the Fabulous KJo and actually diversifies, I see no reason why she wouldn't do well.
So please, ignore what the news tells you about this being yet another hit thanks to KJo, just stay home and don't watch this movie. 

The Good: Solid proof that KJo has lost his touch
The Bad: Muscles for Brains is successful in the 'industry' while I am stuck inside on a saturday.
The Epiphany: It makes sense that Karan wanted to make a movie sorta-kinda like DDLJ, after all his teeny cameo in that film is talked about even now, and was his first 'role'. He would have a soft spot for it. But unlike any other normal person, who would hold the memory close, he decided to exploit it. For shame, Karan. For shame! 

7 August 2014

Virgin Territory

MTV is at it again. And since 16 and pregnant had run through its money mill, let's go to the other extreme.


It is a show that follows the lives of 4 virgins as they make their way into the sex fueled world today.
Two super Christians and two who just haven't found "The One" yet. 

Issues with this:
  • Who is watching this show?
  • Why does it matter?
  • How we do know they not be bangin' when the cameras are off?
  • Why does one of the girls chose to talk like that? It makes smacking her irresistible.
  • Are they getting paid to essentially lose their virginity on television?
This show isn't well made nor is it interesting. I am about two episodes in, and I already want to claw my eyes out.
Can we start a Kickstarter Program or something like that to make sure that this show stops now?

The Good: Even though I am glass-completely-full-girl, I see no good in this.
The Bad: It is a reality show about virgins. What a depraved society do we exist in now.

Married at First Sight

So. This is, um. A show.



It is exactly what the name suggests. A tv show based on the "social experiment" premise that 6 people will meet each other at the altar for the first time. Then we live together as man and wife for the next 5 weeks and then they will be asked at the end of these 5 weeks if they want to continue as a married couple. 
I have a few qualms with this show. First of which emerged fairly soon. As an Asian, I didn't understand why this was considered strange. My grandmother didn't meet my grandfather until they got married, which is a practise that still happens. So this 'social experiment' doesn't feel alien to me.
Next qualm is, where in the world is the Westboro Baptist Church protests for this tv show?
Gay people aren't ruining the sanctity of marriage, it is shows like this which ask people to get married for 5 weeks, ie. less time than Kim Kardashian was famously married to Kris Humphries. 
Having said that, I have seen all the episodes, and will probably watch the rest of the series because it is engaging in a way that I am unable to describe. 
At the point where is the show is right now, it is actually getting into the meat of the series, so it's a good time to watch it if you must. 

The Good: Rare insight into the panic filled mindset of a newlywed.
The Bad: Ruining weddings for me. 

The Inbetweeners 2

And the mother of almost all the comedy for youths in the UK has come out with a sequel.


After the astounding success of the tv show and the first film, the four boys, now men have come back with a bang and a blast.
Following 6 months on from where we left off, the guys are moving on with their lives. Will and Simon in uni, Neil doing god-only-knows-what and Jay doing the gap-yahr in Australia. Which he describes as amazing, so the other three guys trek their way down under where they find out that the description doesn't match the reality. 
Will meets a elementary school friend, who is a mouth-kissing, gap yahr girl. Who I also spent most of movie wanting to smack like a cat. 
She and the rest of her wannabe earth-loving friends join the awesome foursome in their australian journey, which we later find out that Jay only came on to get back his chubby-but-damn-I-wish-I-looked-like-her ex-girlfriend.
It is a continuing journey on the guys trying to find themselves and who they are. It is a hilarious movie, that adds to the wonderful series of cinematic experiences that these men have brought to us.
The movie starts out strong, sort of plateaus in the middle, making you forget that you are watching a movie and are back to a tv show, has a really weird-albeit-funny and sentimental bit, but goes back to what we love and expect.
The movie is well made, with well timed humor. Direction certainly has come a long way, which spoke volumes within the first few minutes. Acting remained of the same standard, they just looked quite a bit older than they should have been. I absolutely-tutely loved the editing in the super emotional scene.
Some bits of the movie were a bit too graphic for me, sometimes even making me want to shut my eyes, so be warned of that.
Was I blown away, and overwhelmed by this movie? No.
Will I probably watch this movie again in the next 5 years? Yep.

The Good: I was in dire need of a few laughs.
The Bad: It really was a bit too graphic. Like genuinely. I wish I could unsee somethings.