28 August 2015

The Man from U.N.C.L.E

For about a solid month, every time I walked to work, I had to pass an unbelievably massive poster of Henry Cavill looking at me, all beautimous like, from where he stood in The Man From U.N.C.L.E.


So, when the time came to actually watch the movie, I had medium to high expectations.
Now where was this advice when I was actually going to watch the film?

Based on a TV show that ran for about 4 years, way back in the 60's The Man from U.N.C.L.E is a great example of how you can take the world's most stunning actors and make what is probably the dullest and most uninteresting action movie of all time.
The Man from U.N.C.L.E, is set in the middle of the Cold War and all about super secret spies and how they save the world all while being super suave and sexy.
Sound familiar? Oh, yeah, that's right. Isn't that the plot point of just about EVERY James Bond film ever?
Now to fully understand why the film was made the way it is, tediously, I actually watched a few episodes of the 1964 TV show. Now I understand why the show would have done well in the 60's, but what sense does it make to adapt it to a film in 2015? I suppose that in the heyday of the Cold War it would have been a hit, but today when most of the younger generation think that the Cold War has its name thanks to the weather, the film is really going to do well.
The story is mildly complicated and is made especially difficult to follow thanks to Cavill insisting on mumbling through what I believe would be some rather important information.
Henry, my boy, you have stunning eyes. Let's just stick to endorsing that, shall we?

We are also joined by Armie Hammer. Remember him? Now, I don't know about you but I would like to cut me a slice of that man pie.

And if someone could one day steal the essence of his voice, and bottle it up for me, I would but the entire stock in a day. Is it wrong of me to think such thing about a man whose daughter is turning one soon?
I mean, we can all admit that the only reason we watch Social Network is because there are two of him in there. 

Hugh Jackman has a teeny tiny cameo in the film as well, but he might as well have just stayed in the gym, you know. Why bother taking part in a tiresome (I am running out of synonyms for dull) movie where I am not even entirely sure what happens in the end?
There is a woman in teh movie too, who is central to the story I believe and Cavill spends a large amount of time either leering at her or ignoring her. Which is just the romantic notion that all girls just love.
It was a boring movie, and if wasn't for the pretty men, I would have walked out a lot sooner.

As I type this, i also realise that it is pretty much the same sentiment that I had while watching Superman. Anyone notice the matching element?

The Good: 
You sure did, my man. You sure did. 
Please excuse me while I go wipe my drool off

The Bad: Good god, they just kept mumbling something about nuclear things and Russia and scientists. Enunciate!

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