25 October 2015

Shaandaar

There are the movies that don't do so well. Then there are the movies that do terrible. And then there are the movies that are so bad, that for the rest of your life everything you watch, you say, "Well, at least it wasn't as bad as Shaandaar."

As soon as I saw the trailer, I refused to watch it. Not only because it looked laughably stupid, but also because it seemed to be like a Bollywood version of Princess Diaries and that just makes me sad when I realise that I am not a princess. Yet.
In a state of childish appeasement, I went along with my parents to watch what I now regard as the prime example of where the extra money in India is being wasted.
Seriously, Karan Johar, save the effort and just donate the money you would have spent in making another astoundingly terrible movie like this.
Meet Alia, played by Alia Bhatt. That alone should be an indication of how creative the screenwriter is. She was orphaned and then adopted by Pankaj Kapoor. But mystery surrounds the adoption, since Pankaj has never told anyone why he adopted her and loves her so. Could it be because he is her father? *Gasp!* However did we find that out? #SuchAShock
I begged my parents to leave during the interval, so most of opinions are based on the first half itself.
In which, thankfully, Alia speaks only about 10 lines, quite a lot of which are mumbled. She just sits expressionlessly insomniac alá Kristen Stewart. While Shahid Kapoor who looks double her age falls in love with her. And wildly oscillates between being a super sophisticated wedding planner and a partially illiterate Delhi Boy.



There is also another Pankaj Kapoor offspring, a chubby bride-to-be whose only purpose in the film is to show just how much better Alia is than her. Oh, and they do a bit to make Fat-Bottomed Girls feel better by dressing her up as Jessica Rabbit. How is that helpful? Not entirely sure.
There are also several sidey characters who are present only for 'comic' relief. Some of whom are clad entirely in gold. As the world's least concerned person when it comes to fashion, you would think I wouldn't mind. But my burning eyes beg to differ.
There is no story, the movie is just sort of made of small, often unrelated,clips interspaced with dancing.
The production value of the movie,
on the other hand, was actually impressive! The filming as well was beautiful. Other than ALL the parts that they CGI'd. I mean, seriously, how much money did they save by not filming actually out on the road?
Also EVERYone in the film dresses appropriately for the weather in England. Except Alia who seems to think that shorts are the only thing that she is allowed to dress in. Dude, there is literally a chick standing next to you clad in fur and shivering. You have no lard to protect you, how are you not dead from hypothermia?
The movie is like a child's attempt at making a film. It is so terrible that I now have lost several pints of respect for Pankaj Kapoor.
It's like a bunch of rich actors got together and filmed whatever they wanted. And then charged me money to watch it!

The Good: Filmed in a beautiful home, giving me the worst case of house envy.
The Bad: There is about 15 solid mins of the film dedicated to accidental ingestion of shrooms and magic brownies. And even that wasn't funny. 

22 October 2015

Dr. Ken

I love Ken Jeong. I can't tell if it's because he is sassy, or if it's because he is sassy, or maybe because he is really sassy.
Either ways, if I was ever stranded on an island, I would take him along, because at least there would be laughs.


Remember the Wayans brothers? Remember how they made a tv show called 'My Wife and Kids'?
Well, now you have exactly the same things but with Asian actors. Wave goodbye to original thought!
While I do abhor the idea of repetition of ideas like these, Ken Jeong makes it worth it. The show is side splittingly hilarious with most of the comedy coming from Ken himself.
And speaking of My Wife and Kids, the Wife in question is also in Dr. Ken. As a nurse.
Talk about a small world.
Dr. Ken has less than a handful of episodes and you better believe that I have seen every single one of them. More than once. It's that funny!
It isn't filmed all that spectacularly and I am slightly convinced that there is an actual studio audience around.
It has those half open sets, which is very 90's of them, but to be fair, Ken is setting up the show to be his life way back when he was doctor before he became my Hollywood Best Friend. Or spirit animal. I like that sound of that better.
He has no bedside manners in this show, which just means that he be flat out rude, son!
I apologize for my lame attempt at being ghetto.
But please, please, please do watch the show because I can assure you that it is worth it.

The Good: Ken Jeong. *Mic Drop*
The Bad: Slightly cringe worthy comedy. Every now and then.

You're The Worst

This show is my life. I kid you not.
Other than the fact that the main characters are employed and have people voluntarily dating them.

Meet Gretchen, a rude clinically depressed girl who has to live with an old person name. She meets Jimmy, an obnoxious English accented writer who also has a pretty crappy name.
They hit it off in a rather carnal way. And this carnality eventually leads to each of them to realistically for the first time, have an honest relationship.
The show is hilarious, with well placed witty dialogues that show the life of an average 20-something of today.
Though with more cocaine than I imagine.
Both Gretchen and Jimmy are absolutely terrible people. Funny and rather clever, but terrible. And crude.
They speak their minds, and don't really care what the world thinks of them.
Which is remarkably like me. Much to my mother's chagrin.
And thanks to the fact that they actually have managed to find each other, however fictional they may be, gives me hope that I will not be dying alone.
The show is filmed beautifully, mostly because Jimmy's house is fantastic for an out of work writer in L.A.
There are side characters that are actually well thought out and have separate lives that are intriguing and they don't just play along with the main ones.
The second season of the show is airing as I type and boy, do I love it. I binge watched the entire first season in one night thanks to a reader's request from the Philippines.
Which as a side note, made me feel like quite a god.
But please do watch this show. It even stars a Pitch Perfect background girl and her voice is unbelievable .
More so than Bernadette's from The Big Bang Theory.

The Good: It has given me the ever elusive hope.

The Bad: The hope stems from fictional characters.

17 October 2015

#ScoreSaturday: Madagascar

I know what you are thinking, I am going to post a link to 'I like to move it, move it.'.
But shockingly enough, I am not.

While Madagascar is spectacular and so much funny, like dear me.
And the spin-off Penguins was just as funny. Which is practically unheard of. And I feel a certain kinship with Kowalski.
And yes, I am aware that it is a children's movie. But let's be honest, I am just a slightly taller child.
And hence, me loving the trilogy is totally justified.

This week, since the trilogy is as good as it is, there TWO pieces of score to talk about. Talk about a great deal, huh?
In the second movie, one of my favorite scenes is where Alex a.k.a Alkay is dancing and his father realises that his son is a great king after all. And joins in the dance. My heart could melt.


And the song that plays in the background is an original song created by the fantastic Will.I.Am.
Called the Travelling Song, it is undoubtedly great! *Roar*

I have repeatedly talked about how much I j'adore Hans Zimmer. Like, cannot get enough of him.
In the third movie, when Alex falls off the trapeze and in love with Gia, the song with the slight Italian lilt is beyond anything that Hans has ever created.
Notice, how I call him Hans? That's because we are such good friends in my imagination.


It is so very beautiful and when/if I get married, if that song is not in my playlist, you have total permission to smack me. 


14 October 2015

Casual

As mature and grown up as I am, I have a rather co-dependent relationship with my sister. Who is actually my cousin, but that is just semantics.


So when they made a tv show about a pair of siblings with similar dependency issues, well how could I not watch it?

Casual follows the life of recently divorced lady, who is also mother to a teenaged girl and sister to a stunningly beautiful man.
The man meanwhile, is a website developer and just overall not capable of being an adult without his sister.
The show is not exactly comedy, but does have snarky comments that fly in mumbled conversation and if you are lucky enough to hear it, then you do get a bit of a laugh.
The co-dependency is not something that a lot of people could relate to and hence, I'm not entirely sure if the show is going long term or not.


The filming is paltry and the acting gives credit to that.
I have only watched two episodes of the show and I'm definitely sure that I will not be tuning in again.

The Good: The lady plays a therapist and seemingly specialises in people's weird dreams. Did not know that was a thing.
The Bad: WHY must no one enunciate?

13 October 2015

Life In Pieces

Look guys, it's a PG-13 and not-really-as-funny version of Modern Family!
But like, seriously though, they even have a family with two daughters and a son. Hello, original thought?

The show comprises of an old, sweet couple who do truly love each other and well, isn't that just the cutest?



They are parents to three kids. And grandparents to four and counting.



The show is usually divided into 4 sections which is why the subtitle of the show is 'One big family. 4 short stories'.
Which is definitely a new concept. Never been told before.
It is show that follows this big family as they go through the trials and tribulations in life. Now, hmm, I wonder why that sounds familiar.
Yes, you raising your hand in the audience? You think it sounds almost exactly like Modern Family? Now, don't be saying such crazy things out loud, you silly!
The show is filmed in a rather typical single camera fashion, and the direction is rather ordinary. I had no idea what the show was about before I watched and in fact, I am still not very sure what the show is about. Because see, in the end it's not like they give some great moral to live by. And in all honesty, it really isn't that funny. But that could be thanks to the sub-par acting and not you know, the writers fault.

There are some moments that can make you chuckle, but let's be honest, we are all looking for more that just a chuckle.
There have been 4 episodes so far and I am not impressed.
Will I watch more? No.
Should you watch it? Not really. Unless there really isn't anything else on and you really need to watch something on telly.





The Good: Colin Hanks is looking more and more like his father every single day. And we could always use two of them in our lives.
The Bad: Come on, people! Let's make some use of creativity and not just rip off an already existing show.







Scream Queens

Dear god. I am very, honestly not sure how to feel about this show.
At all.


Say hi to Chanel everybody! A vapid, narcissistic girl who I am very sure I would have been best friends with. Chanel #6, anyone?

She is the president of like, the bestest and the most like, fabulous sorority on campus. She has minions who are called Chanel number 2, 3 and 5. Or you know, Abigail Breslin, Ariana Grande and one more girl.

If I was ever a despotic ruler, I would certainly make sure that no one else could share a name with me.
Anywho, she and her minions rule their teeny tiny portion of the world and deal with their super white-girl problems. Like the fact that her pumpkin spice latte is too hot, and that it makes her fat. 'But daddy, I still want it!'
To be fair, Emma Roberts does a bang up job of being a super cray-cray power hungry girl.
We also meet Grace, a girl who is attempting very hard to bring back old fashioned hats and also wants to rush the sorority because she wants to feel closer to her mother. Ahem, dead mother, who is never named or shown. Even in flashbacks.
Grace soon discovers that there is a mystery afoot. A random person in a Red Devil costume is going around heinously killing girls from her dream sorority! Something that only happened 20 years ago.
Gasp!Despite the fact that the entire cast seems to have a rather cavalier attitude to the mass murders in their vicinity, there is also a really useless security guard around that refers to herself in third person.

The show is, odd. And confusing. They seem to be unsure if they want to make fun of the first-world problems of today's generation, or if they actually want to make a horror thriller show.
It is stupidly engaging, and I am sure that I will be watching the rest of the season, if only to see what actually happens.
And the fact that Diego Boneta got employed again, which makes me happy.
The scenes are filmed spectacularly well and do a lot of justice to the theme. The score? Not so much.
The actors are doing what they can with what I can only assume is a script that is being written as the show is being filmed.
But the conversations are stilted, broken and shockingly passionless.


I really am confused about this show. There are some funny scenes which is immediately replaced with extreme blood splatter.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS!


The Good: Jamie Lee Curtis plays a saucy and spectacularly mean woman in the show.
The Bad: Nick Jonas plays a manipulative gay boy and it is just not something he is not good at.

11 October 2015

Sicario

I love Emily Blunt. And I love John Krasinski.


And I promise that when the time comes for it, I will LOVE their child.
Word of advice though, if you have any sort of aversion to gore and gruesome footage you might want to avoid this film. Also, a basic understanding of Spanish might be beneficial.

We meet Kate, an FBI agent who specialises in hostage situations and looking contemplatively frightened. She along with her partner otherwise known as the ONLY black guy in the film (who shockingly, doesn't die) work an assignment where an IED blast leaves two officers dead. Her boss recommends her to Josh Brolin, a CIA and DOJ man who is leading a team. She happily volunteers, eager to make actually change.
And then proceeds to doubt and question herself repeatedly when things aren't explained to her. Speaking as a naturally curious person, if I was in the same position as her, I would have kicked up a fuss as well. Though maybe I would waited for actual answers rather than the bureaucratic nonsense Josh Brolin spouts in his usual mumbled manner. We are also joined by Benicio Del Toro, who we can all admit looks like a Mexican version of Eric Dane and how is that not appealing?
There is a lot of violence, and oh, so many layers. It is intriguing and captivating, though I definitely would have prefered if it moved just a tiny bit faster.
The main agenda is the drug cartels in Mexico and related crimes, which is why there are a LOT of hushed conversations in Spanish.
Now, I grew up watching Dora the Explorer and pretending to be Spanish, so I understood quite a lot of what was being said. My mother on the other hand, who did not seem impressed by both Dora and the Spanish in the film grew quickly bored.
It was beautifully filmed, until of course the point where they filmed completely in night vision which gave me major flashbacks to my teenage years where all I did was watch Paranormal Activity on repeat.
The score was haunting and beautiful. Not something I would ever download for myself, but good nevertheless.
All in all, it isn't a must watch. But rather an artistic thriller that you may watch and enjoy if you have that temperament.

The Good: Such a good twist to the story that I for one, did not see coming.
The Bad: No enunciation. 

#ScoreSaturday: Pirates of the Caribbean

I worship at the altar of Hans Zimmer. I mean it. If that man asked for my blood, I wouldn't even think about it, I would hand it over. Hand over fist.
Hans is the reason why my music library is full of OST's from movies and he is also the reason I am convinced I will make a great superhero. 
The trilogy of Pirates of the Caribbean (the only ones with Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley) was undoubtedly fantastic. 
Let's not kid, but literally every scene and dialogue was carefully examined and observed again and again and then laughed over.
And let's not forget that most people would LOVE Jack Sparrow to be a real person.
Even though, I would take Johnny Depp just as he is. Despite the fact that his daughter and his new wife are pretty much my age.
I have listened to hours of the POTC soundtrack, but one of my favorite pieces of music not just from OST is POTC's One Day. 

Some of you may recognize it as the music that swells every time Will and Elizabeth share heated looks from across the ship. And hence me and my romantic heart love this oh so much more.  


Listen, love and keep a weather eye on the horizon. 

3 October 2015

#ScoreSaturday: Castle

On Monday, I wrote about iZombie and hollered at Castle.





And then I began thinking about Castle and how much I love Nathan Fillion.
Amen to that, sister. 
And just how much I love the entire premise of Castle. 
I mean, a crime-mystery writer becomes a buddy to NYPD detective to further fuel his imagination?
Hit the like button NOW!
Other than the wonderful acting, super clever dialogues and fantastic collection of red heads, Castle has an incredible soundtrack. 
While they tend to usually stick to songs that are already in pop-culture, every now and then there is this original piece created that awes and amazes. 
I may have mentioned my deep affinity for classical music. And this one is no stranger to it. 
I think I do tend to hold it in slightly higher esteem than most just because this was the song that played when Castle and Beckett FINALLY got together. And isn't that something we had all been waiting for, for over 4 years?
I cried. With joy. Mostly. 
This is a fantastically created piece of music titled 'I just Want You' that I covet and can you join that club too please?