25 October 2015

Shaandaar

There are the movies that don't do so well. Then there are the movies that do terrible. And then there are the movies that are so bad, that for the rest of your life everything you watch, you say, "Well, at least it wasn't as bad as Shaandaar."

As soon as I saw the trailer, I refused to watch it. Not only because it looked laughably stupid, but also because it seemed to be like a Bollywood version of Princess Diaries and that just makes me sad when I realise that I am not a princess. Yet.
In a state of childish appeasement, I went along with my parents to watch what I now regard as the prime example of where the extra money in India is being wasted.
Seriously, Karan Johar, save the effort and just donate the money you would have spent in making another astoundingly terrible movie like this.
Meet Alia, played by Alia Bhatt. That alone should be an indication of how creative the screenwriter is. She was orphaned and then adopted by Pankaj Kapoor. But mystery surrounds the adoption, since Pankaj has never told anyone why he adopted her and loves her so. Could it be because he is her father? *Gasp!* However did we find that out? #SuchAShock
I begged my parents to leave during the interval, so most of opinions are based on the first half itself.
In which, thankfully, Alia speaks only about 10 lines, quite a lot of which are mumbled. She just sits expressionlessly insomniac alá Kristen Stewart. While Shahid Kapoor who looks double her age falls in love with her. And wildly oscillates between being a super sophisticated wedding planner and a partially illiterate Delhi Boy.



There is also another Pankaj Kapoor offspring, a chubby bride-to-be whose only purpose in the film is to show just how much better Alia is than her. Oh, and they do a bit to make Fat-Bottomed Girls feel better by dressing her up as Jessica Rabbit. How is that helpful? Not entirely sure.
There are also several sidey characters who are present only for 'comic' relief. Some of whom are clad entirely in gold. As the world's least concerned person when it comes to fashion, you would think I wouldn't mind. But my burning eyes beg to differ.
There is no story, the movie is just sort of made of small, often unrelated,clips interspaced with dancing.
The production value of the movie,
on the other hand, was actually impressive! The filming as well was beautiful. Other than ALL the parts that they CGI'd. I mean, seriously, how much money did they save by not filming actually out on the road?
Also EVERYone in the film dresses appropriately for the weather in England. Except Alia who seems to think that shorts are the only thing that she is allowed to dress in. Dude, there is literally a chick standing next to you clad in fur and shivering. You have no lard to protect you, how are you not dead from hypothermia?
The movie is like a child's attempt at making a film. It is so terrible that I now have lost several pints of respect for Pankaj Kapoor.
It's like a bunch of rich actors got together and filmed whatever they wanted. And then charged me money to watch it!

The Good: Filmed in a beautiful home, giving me the worst case of house envy.
The Bad: There is about 15 solid mins of the film dedicated to accidental ingestion of shrooms and magic brownies. And even that wasn't funny. 

1 comment:

  1. Good to see you've watched this, well, film, and escaped with your sense of humour intact :-)

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