10 December 2015

Hotel Transylvania 2

The first one was okay but cute. So wouldn't the second one be anything but?

This movie has proven without a doubt that the sequel can actually be better than the original.

Drac and his hotel are blooming ever since he let humans into his hotel and his daughter. And now he is even a grandfather!
Jump forward in time, and Dennis is as adorable as his father but has no fangs! *vampire gasp*
Cut to Drac acting like a very stereotypical old Desi Indian grandfather from the 80's, where you can just imagine him saying, "If he isn't like us, he isn't right."
He along with his ragtag team of monsters, like Frankenstein (inaccurate since Dr. Frankenstein was the creator of the Monster, but okay), The Mummy, The Werewolf and David Spade's Invisible Man, who btw, also pretends for most of the movie to have an invisible girlfriend and it is shockingly hilarious.
Mostly because it really fits in the whole scheme of self-deprecation thing that David has going on. Notice, how I called him David? That's because I can sense that deep inside he really wants to be friends with me.

Drac and his team take Dennis on a self-discovery journey, in order to get him is vampire qualifications.

And also to reclaim some of their lost qualifications.
Meanwhile Andy Samberg is taking his wife into the world of boring humans because for some reason she thinks that humans are safer for Dennis to grow up around.
I mean, I get that you are a vampire who lives in the corner of nowhere but come on, did you not see the carnage in Paris?
Humans ain't safe, babe.
The movie is cute and has a strong message of unconditional love, which is really important for people to remember these days. There is some comedy but that can grow stale fast, so limit your viewings.

The Good: Adam Sandler used his daughters to voice some characters and that is just too cute.
The Bad: It is an animated version of Grown Ups.

8 December 2015

The Deal With: Bollywood Ruining My Adult Life

We all love watching bollywood films. No, no, don’t bother denying it. You know you love it. You love watching the heroine first, avoid and then slowly fall for the lovable hero. You love watching the dancing. And you love the drama.

And what you don’t love is how watching Bollywood movies can effectively ruin your life. Here’s how:

  1. There is no Raj coming to save me from my mundane life.
    21 Ways Bollywood Ruined You For Life
    In any movie, he is far better than Regular Guys.
    And even if you did manage to find someone, your expectations were way, WAY high.
    *Crying because a Regular Guy would save his phone before saving me*
  2. Why is it unacceptable for me to start dancing as soon as it starts to rain? That is all me and my childhood know!
    21 Ways Bollywood Ruined You For Life
    Isn’t rain, romance and drenched clothes like a rite of passage for all Bollywood Fans?
  3. Bollywood made me think that it’s more important to dance than to listen to my parents and/or study.
    When Bollywood gave you unrealistic expectations of your curfew.
  4.  It made me think that if I sang a song with a boy, then the next logical step had to be marriage.
    Suraj Hua Madham
  5. The only way I know how to flirt is ‘Bollywood Style’
    reaction bollywood shah rukh khan shahrukh khan srk
  6.  If I didn’t go and overreact to everything by crying in the corner, then I have failed my Bollywood Gods.
    news reactions bollywood mira rajput announcement
  7.  I have been an avid Bollywood watcher for 2 decades. Where is my spontaneous synchronized dance?
  8.  But still, every time I hear my jam I need to shake my tail feathers. Even if I have to do it alone.
    21 Ways Bollywood Ruined You For Life
  9. I have run to a lot of trains and failed to fall in love every single time.
    When running to catch a train doesn't mean you are late. It means a happy ending to your love story.
  10. And finally, when I found out that SRK and Kajol aren’t married to each other and spend their lives dancing together, my belief in love died a little.

When you found put that Kajol and SRK aren't real life lovers and felt physical pain.

Tamasha

It's official, Bollywood is dead.

This movie was supposed to make or break Ranbir Kapoor, and I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this pretty boy has reached his filmy expiry date.

In all fairness, I do get where Imtiaz Ali is coming from. Social standards of life are getting crazy and a LOT of people in the world are living by the expectation of other people rather than what they actually want to do. And its nice to have a commentary on this sad state of affairs. But must the commentary be this crappy one?


Aamir Khan does a pretty bang up job with his holier-than-thou act where he makes excellent satires on today's society, and he deals with the hate that stems towards him as well. But Imtiaz attempted to shed light and try to please everyone. Let's just say that you can't make a good social film without burning a few bridges and Imtiaz went out of his way to build some extra ones just in case.



Say hola to Ranbir, a man burdened by his fathers expectations of him and is unable to understand why he has to be a certain way to be accepted by society. As a person who has never been on the receiving end of that, and has gone out of her way on several occasion to be non-conformist (look at me, such a rebel) I don't really relate to this, but I can understand it.
He meets Deepika, a very regular and typical Delhi girl travelling in Corsica and they hit it off while pretending to be people unlike themselves. You know what they say, get the girl by NOT being yourself? Good advice Imtiaz.

There are a lot of flashbacks and jump forwards and cut to random scenes. Which makes me realise that whenever they realised that they had a plot hole to fill they just went ahead and filmed a new scene. A lot of scenes which show Ranbirs dad being a regular dad. "If you don't know what you want to do in life then you must do engineering." Of course, let me waste 4 whole years of my life studying for something I will never want to do and have no interest in. #BrownPeopleProblems
The story was the most in-sequential thing ever written and this includes Inception. If you somehow manage to follow what in the world is happening in the movie along with keeping up with the extremely uncreative and clearly stolen dialogues, props to you.
The movie has a very abrupt ending where you aren't entirely sure if it is a happy ending or if it isn't. Adding to that it is never really made clear whether or not Ranbir actually got away from the social pressure or not.

It's a weird movie, lets just leave it at that, which overall works towards achieving nothing. Other than establishing that Ranbir should definitely stick to commercials.
If you want to go and see the film for the sake of watching a film, by all means go ahead. There are pretty people, pretty locations and it won't melt your eyeballs off. If you happen to watch this movie for any other purpose, run. Run as far away as possible and you will be safe. There is a LOT of pandering to the audience, if you are at all shallow you will actually enjoy this film.


The Good: We now know not to trust ANYONE in the film industry.
The Bad: I actually liked Ranbir, don't tell me that even he is going the way of Imran Khan.
The Tamasha: They actually got us to pay money and watch this crap. Hamara Tamasha bana diya. Like that time when Ranbir spent an entire montage dedicated to showing how his life of being a travel journalist was empty and meaningless. For shame, Yeh Jawani Hai Dewani.

7 December 2015

Jessica Jones

I want to take a moment and say thanks to my good man Safi, because he is the reason why I now have a weird thing with Jessica Jones. I am not sure if I want to be her, or if I love her but it is very definitely a blend of the two.



After the plethora of severely terrible TV show adaptations of comic book heroes, it's nice to have a reprieve.
Say hi to Jessica, a former superhero who now works as a private eye. Which is also something I would want to do in life. Not the superhero thing but become a PI. She is sassy, broody and has a super female-Sherlock thing going on.
She is going through PTSD from an affair with a man who has the power to manipulate people. I have so far seen like 2 episodes but oh, my lord it is fantastic and super intriguing. I want to binge watch the show, but there aren't enough of shows to be considered a binge.
There are a bunch of other characters but I can not stop focusing on Carrie Ann Moss who plays a cheating lesbian and I love her. I subscribe to Buzzfeed's Dude a Day newsletter, which is surprising to no one. And on the 8th of December, the man of the day was, Mike Colter.
Since I realise that not everyone is as ardent a follower of pretty men as I am, here is what I received,

Mike's the kind of guy who's not afraid to pick you up and put you places — but gently, of course.
BuzzFeed Dude A Day
Talk Mikey to me.
Netflix
Behold Mike Colter. Tender, gentle Mike Colter, who plays tender, gentle Luke Cage on Marvel's newest series, Jessica Jones. Look upon him with your own two eyes. Look into his two eyes, his own two beautiful, beautiful eyes. They are like pools of crushed velvet to roll around in, if that crushed velvet also smelled like Nutella and dreams come true. They are so gentle and tender. Just imagine how gentle and tender his hands must be. *shivers* He probably has very large hands, slightly callused because he clearly spends his spare time replanting deforested areas, gently carrying around so many fledgling trees and tenderly planting them in the ground. *wistful sigh*
A date with Mike would be the gentlest, tender-est date ever. You would talk about your feelings. He would be forthcoming with his thoughts and emotions, and not judge you for yours. You would feel warm and safe and cared for. You would know deep in your heart that you are not a piece of shit. Also, he's, um, definitely larger than you. Like, he could probably lift you onto various surfaces — tables or desks or against walls, even without super-strength — but gently, of course. Because Mike's nothing if not gentle — and so, so tender.
Yours in thirst,
Kaye (@ohkayewhatever)
You are welcome, rest of the world. 

The acting is superb, the filming is wonderfully done and good lord they have the best quotable dialogues around. I really want to know what happens and it really isn't all that predictable so far.Which is a sign of a well written script. Jessica is shown as a dark and emotionally unstable woman and let's be honest, we are all that person inside.

There isn't a lot I can say but it is truly a well made TV show. FINALLY, I have something new to look forward to.

The Good: It's a superhero but not really superhero show. 
The Bad: It's Netflix, so they only release a season at a time and that shit is infuriating. 

Master of None

Aziz Ansari is funny. Ain't no one gonna deny that. Even his weird chipmunk snorting cocaine laugh is funny. Though there it is more like laughing at you, rather than with you.


 Plus he be representing brown funny unattractive people and since that is right up my alley, I had to watch Master of None.


We meet Dev, Dev Shah, which is not a realistic Indian name. No South Indian is called Shah. Come on Aziz, get your shit together.
He is a commercial actor and is rather cutely awkward in his general life. This show is solely created to fight literally ALL of the political correctness issues and increase diversity. There are like two white people on the show. #NeedToPleaseEmAll

A Taiwanese immigrant, a black lesbian, a white gay man are predominantly featured. So he has covered his bases. I am usually fairly suspicious of TV shows that are created by the protagonists, they always tend to go overboard. But Aziz manages to capture his hilarity with more than a touch of self-deprecation.

I'm about 3 episodes in, but to be honest I'm not sure if I'll be watching the rest, not for any other reason but that the story doesn't seem to grip me. Sure there are stories which are literally about nothing like That 70's Show, and Friends and I devour them, but this one is more like if its on in the background, its fine, but I don't think I would go out my way to watch the show. Personal choice and all.

The Good: His parents play his parents in the show and that is the cutest thing.


The Bad: They are called Shoukath and Fatima. Shoukath and fatima do not give birth to a Dev. I am sorry, but no. 

The Deal With: Sequels

I am pumped up for 2016. Even if I wasn't it's not like there would be must difference, 2016 is well on it's way whether I am pumped or not. Look, I am so philosophical now. #Maturity

2016 is the year of great films. I mean, look at Suicide Squad. Screw everything else and just wait a minute and look at how incredible Jared Leto is. LOOK AT HIM. But only look, because you know, dibs.

Anyway, 2016 is also the year of sequels. Every movie and its mother is releasing the next instalment to the film series. Maybe it's the official death of creativity or the money minting methods or maybe they are giving into the demands of the people.
There are some sequels that we are excited for and some we are confused about because even the first few were pretty crappy. There are some that are going to fly under the radar because honestly, no one cares anymore. Divergent series, I'm looking at you.


Anywho, here is a fairly comprehensive list of sequels you should get excited for.

  1. Ride Along 2- Me and Ice Cube would undoubtedly be best friends in real life. 
  2. Kung Fu Panda 3- WHO IS PRETENDING THAT THEY HAVEN'T BEEN CROSSING THE DAYS TILL THE RELEASE OF THIS FILM?!?
  3. Zoolander 2- I was too late to the first one, on account of how I was child and all. So now, its my time to shine. 
  4. My big Fat Greek Wedding 2- I loved Toula way back when, and I am gong to love it now too. 
  5. Captain America: Civil Wars- 'He's my friend' 'So was I.' 'Nuf said. 
  6. X-men: Apocalypse- I was always convinced that if it existed, I would totally be headed to Xaviers school for extraordinarily talented students. Move aside Rogue, Caramel Drizzle is here. 
  7. The Conjuring 2- LOVED the first one. Watched it multiple times. Slightly in love with Vera Farmiga. Need to watch the next one. 
  8. Now You See Me 2- Like I even need to write why I'm excited for this one. 
  9. Finding Dory- I tear up every single damn time I so much as think of this one. With joy. 
  10. The Purge 3- Okay, this one is more for making me feel better about myself as a person. 
  11. Star Trek Beyond: I am a Trekkie through and through. If anyone gets me anything with 'Trekkies do it in the Final Frontier' you will immediately get promoted to best friend level.
  12. Bridget Jones's Baby- I have grown up with this woman. She has taught me that I may be fat and clumsy and have no filter but even the Colin Firth will love me. Also, I really wanna see this doppelgänger pretend to be Renee Zellwegger. 

I'm sure not all of them will be amazing and some will dissapoint. Some that I haven't mentioned might surprise me. 
But all said and done, where the hell is my Incredibles 2?!


The Deal With: Grey's Anatomy

We are about 12 seasons in so you have seriously got to be living under a rock if you haven't heard of the show.


The show does it all, makes you laugh, love, cry and gives you far too many feels.


 I used to be an avid watcher of the show for several years, but then they killed off Patrick Dempsey, and lets just say that struck too close to home for me and I was severely unhappy with that setting. Plus, Yang left and we can all admit that the show lost its sass queen.


Other than that, I have to give massive props to Shonda Rhimes because that woman is who I want to become when I am older. Just you know, a brown version of hers.
A lot of my love for Grey's stems from the absolutely spectacular score. A lot of the songs are fairly mainstream and the hipster in me must immediately reject that.
But she had on occasion and even more so recently used the man that will be singing at my wedding, even if I have to pay him in my blood. Ryan from Sleeping At Last just gives me goosebumps every time he opens his mouth. His originals are filled in my phone's playlist and his covers hog my YouTube playlists.
I listen to him in the shower, while sleeping, while travelling, while crying. If it hasn't sunk in yet, I am a massive cover hound and Sleeping At Last is my lord.

I mean, listen to that and tell me that you survived without goosebumps. Go on, try it. I dare you. 
Another thing that I have noticed about Shonda is that she can't leave good enough alone.




If everyone isn't suffering a great deal then she's missed out. She's the George Martin of TV Shows. Wait, isn't George Martin the George Martin of TV Shows? Whatever, you know what I mean. 
But seriously, if I was Meredith I would definitely have lost the will to live a while ago. I mean, my parents, my sister and the love of my life are all dead and most of them I watched die? While I have also been dead for a bit? Good god, I should just stay in bed for the rest of my life. There isn't enough Zoloft in the world to help with that shit. 


Like what is up with Shonda? Not loved enough as a child? Has a weird psychological thing where she needs to get sympathy all the time? Whatever she has, stay far away, it might be contagious. 

You can add as many pretty boys as you want, but you still devil woman. 
Crys for the rest of my life