27 January 2016

Dilwale

I know, I'm late on this, but a big part, almost all of my brain begged me not to see this movie.

You know, how some movies are crap? Yeah, this isn't one of them, ITS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO CINEMA AND MY EYES.
Oh, sorry. I sat on my caps lock key. No where was I? Oh, yes!
 IT IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO CINEMA AND MY EYES. 


It burns us. 
There is no story. I am not saying this as the pretentious movie watcher. But as a human being with eyes and a brain. There is NO story. They literally thow in Kajol and SRK looking at each other with super emotional eyes, and saying heavy dialogue that mean nothing to anyone.

They are also both children of crime lords in some made up country that looks like Italy and Croatia. They do say the name, but we all know that its either a lie, or just an excuse for the actors to spend a nice vacay there and even get paid for it.  How have Indians become the crime lords in a European nation, is a fun question that Rohit Shetty needs to answer.
Anywho, they used to be in love and thanks to some unfortunate confusion are in love but form afar now. 
They also have siblings who know nothing about their crime lifestyle. Which leads me to question the siblings mental acuity. To be fair, their face does already point to the lack of mental acuity and it's a pity because if Kriti Sanon wasn't as shallow as she seems she might even be fun. Did I spell her name right? Ehhn, she's not famous enough for it to be a bother. 
Anywho, in the whole vast land filled with like what seems like the entire population of Mumbai, the siblings manage to find and fall in love with each other. 
And then of course, that is a big issue for their parent/sibling who are also in love with each other.
So the rest of the movie is pent with heated looks, fancy cars ,songs and general mind-numbing stupidity that I have come to expect form SRK and his endeavours to remain relevant and youthful.
Also, call me picky but in what universe does the same set of parents have only two children over 20 years apart?
Accident or not, biology calls bullshit on that.
Unless its a child bride thing, in which case so much more shame on you Rohit Shetty. 
Lets talk about Kajol and SRK, their chemistry is and always has been great. To the point that my cousin cried actual tears when she realised they both are married to other people.
So, here is my grand conspiracy theory right? They ain't actually married to Ajay and Gauri. Them be the beards. They instead lou each other, and how they show it is by being cute on screen.
*boom goes the dynamite and your brain*
Now I am back to speaking normally, all I can say is please save yourself and run. Far away from this sad spectacle of humankind. 
And please DO NOT judge all Indians based on this.

The Good: I really hope that Kajol does actual movies and not this epic waste of time and space
The Bad: I think my brain is bleeding out my ears

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